Har'em'mon
by Relm Arrowney
Summary: Every fangirl's dream, instead of Pokemon there were Bishonen. Follow the adventures of Ember as she tries to becume the best. We parodied as many animes as we could with this fic. Please review and if you want make a quick bio with the bishonen you wan


Disclaimer: Neither I nor SK own anything within this fic. But we would really really like too.  
  
No Bishonen, Authors, Alarm Clocks where hurt in the making of this fic.  
  
Please review, and mind the roses.  
  
  
  
I want to be the very best Like no one ever was To glomp them is my real test To fuck them is my cause I will travel across the land Searching far and wide Each Har'em'mon to understand The Sex Drive that lies inside HAR'EM'MON gotta fuck'em all I know it's you and me I know it's not monogamy HAR'EM'MON Ohh.. You're my best friend but only in the sack HAR'EM'MON Gotta fuck'em all A lust so true Our fantasies will pull us through You fuck me And I fuck you HAR'EM'MON! Gotta fuck'em all Gotta fuck'em all HAR'EM'MON!  
  
Ember Fuckem looks at readers with a disturbed look on her face. "Well that was disconcerting," she stated. "Oh, Yeah! I'm supposed to be asleep!"  
  
Suddenly the door flies open slamming against the wall forebodingly and an imposing shadow blocks the door.  
  
"DAD!" Ember pulls her blankets up quickly, hiding herself.  
  
The dark shadow transforms into a middle-aged non-descript man who was blushing and trying to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Sucking in a deep breath Dad pulls himself together.  
  
"Now Ember, you should be asleep! You want to be well rested if you want to start your Har'em'mon journey right! " What are you wearing under there?"  
  
"HENTAI!!!!!" Ember pulls her silver Nataku stick of Justice and bashes her 'loving' father threw the roof. With a heavy sigh she let the covers fall showing her... fully clothed form. Standing swiftly she closed and locked her bedroom door and readied herself for bed.  
  
While finishing lacing her black lace teddy she heard her father reenter the house from his long flight.  
  
She turned out her light and climbed into bed. As she fell asleep she began to dream of the different types of Har'em'mon she could acquire first.  
  
"Wufei, the dragon type. Very Prideful and hard to handle." Ember mumbled in her sleep. "Vash, the plant type. Can grow to be evil or good...depends on the trainer. Sonic, the water type. A good choice for furry fans." She continued to mumble until a familiar, non-descrpit man showed up in her Wufei glomping quest dream.  
  
"DAD!" She yelled as she grabbed her Nataku from hammer space and repeatedly beat him over the head with it.  
  
In reality she grabbed her faithful Nataku from its place propped up beside her bed and beat the gears out of her alarm clock. (No alarm clocks were harmed in the making of this fanfic.)  
  
The sun rose to a lovely day, the sun was shining, birds where singing, alarm clocks weren't going off due to beatings beyond their control, and the day went on.  
  
"EMBER, MY LOVELY DARLING, YOUR GOING TO BE LATE!!" Ember awoke to her father's cater wall.  
  
"Huh?" the blossoming young woman awoke (we won't mention her bed hair *WHAK*, no authors were hurt in the making of this fanfic, and now for something not so different, for us any way) "I'M LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Like a whirlwind of voluptuous virginal curves Ember whooshed to Dominatrix Granite's lab, unfortunately for her and fortunate for various males (Like her father) and several females she ran out of her room in her PJs which if you remember, is a black lace teddy.  
  
Arriving at the Har'em'mon lab she dashed in totally ignoring her rival and the son of the Professor, Dick Granite, who was standing outside the lab with his male cheerleaders and started looking around for Dominatrix Granite.  
  
"Dominatrix Granite!"  
  
D. Granite looks Ember up and down slowly, her dark eyes flash behind gold- rimmed glasses, shoulder length black hair frames her face, and she is dressed in flowing see through black lace robe. "Yes my dear?" D. Granite purred.  
  
"Am I too late to acquire the Har'em'mon of my dreams?"  
  
"I'm afraid so, the others have already cum and gone."  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!" Ember starts to cry in her sorrow "My tears flow like twin waterfalls!"  
  
"Oh stop crying. I do have one Har'em'mon left, however he is a bit odd. Do you still want him?"  
  
"YES! I must be the best Har'em'mon trainer ever! Or I have shamed the name Fuckem!"  
  
D. Granite snickers "Yes, dear you just MUST live up to your name!"  
  
D. Granite glided out of the room but returns quickly carrying a small haremball. "Here you go." As D.Granite handed the haremball to Ember, it opened in an explosion of light and sparkles.  
  
Out came a chibi figure with large eyes, pointy bangs and a staff. Ember looked at him with wide eyes and immediately glomped him.  
  
"Awww, he's SO kawaii!" Ember declared.  
  
The chibi looked slightly displeased. "Daaa...." he said in a warning tone.  
  
Ember raised an eyebrow and asked, "By the way, what is he?"  
  
D. Granite pried Ember from the Har'em'mon then handed her a small compact type thing.  
  
"Birth control pills? Why do I need these?" Ember said.  
  
D. Granite sweat dropped. "It's a Haremdex. It has information on all kinds of Har'em'mon and it acts as sort of and id with your picture and everything. Go ahead, open it and point it at him."  
  
Ember open the compact and a sexy female voice emitted from it.  
  
"Ember Fuckem from the town of Dildo. Age, 16. Cup size, 36C." Said the haremdex. Ember pointed the haremdex at the chibi that was now sitting on the table across from the two women. "Chibi Chi the magic type Har'em'mon. Chibi Chi uses his staff and magic to attack. Once he evolves into Chichiri, his powers grow significantly."  
  
"Wow." Said Ember. "He's so cute!" She then glomped Chibi Chi again.  
  
"Daaaa..." He said, then hit her with his staff.  
  
"Owwie. That hurt." She stated.  
  
"As you can see," D. Granite started, "Chibi Chi does not like being in his haremball. The solution to this is clear, don't keep him in it. Now here are some extra haremballs. Now off with you and good luck on your journey."  
  
Ember was escorted out by D. Granite with Chibi Chi at her heels.  
  
Ember stepped out into the bright sunshine feeling very happy with herself to find a crowed of boys with signs as well as her father with a backpack.  
  
"Oh my beautiful daughter is going out to become a woman!" he sobbed dramatically. "Oh! Your growing up so fast!" he grabs his daughter in a tight hug making her eyes bulge. "My loving, beautiful, virgin..." one of his hands wondered down to Ember's butt.  
  
"HENTAI!!" Ember rammed her fist into her father's skull and he quickly let go.  
  
Standing up quickly with large bump on his head he handed a backpack over. "I packed you some things." He opens it and starts pulling stuff out. "I've got food, a clothes line, some books, batteries, a flash light, some clothes, and extra teddies..." He pulls out an extra skimpy black teddy and the crowed suddenly suffers from a massive collective nosebleed.  
  
"DAD!!!!!"  
  
Some time, massive father bashing and a quick change of clothes later (unfortunately for the crowd said changing was done in a near by bathroom), Ember was walking down the path away from her home in Dildo. Humming softly, her Har'em'mon Chibi Chi following her a bit behind.  
  
Now standing in an open field with only a few small trees to block her view Ember took a deep breath of the nice clean air, her chest rising at the motion. "Look, Chibi Chi, the start of our adventure and me becoming the very best har'em'mon trainer ever!"  
  
"No Da!" was the semi grumpy reply  
  
Turning around the young virgin found her Har'em'mon sitting in a tree with his back to her.  
  
"CHIBI! Come down from there, we have to go start our adventure!"  
  
"DA!" he shook his head keeping his back to her.  
  
"Hmph!" Pouting cutely, she jumped slightly in a huff which made her breasts bob a bit.  
  
"Whoo! Wanna do that again???" asked a voice.  
  
"What the...?" Said Ember. She turned her head to see a short man with a turtle shell on his back. She got out her haremdex and pointed it at him.  
  
"Roshi, the hentai type har'em'mon. Roshi are attracted to pretty girls. Especially virgins."  
  
"Yup, that's me babe. How's about takin' of that shirt??" Said the horny little Roshi.  
  
Ember smacked the Roshi upside the head with her black Hammerspace Version Nataku.  
  
"How about no?" She replied cutely.  
  
"Hot Babe Alert! She's got a nice ass and big virgin boobs!" Shouted the Roshi.  
  
"Grrr...feel my death glare...AHHH! Ember shouted as a dozen Roshi ran at her from a nearby tree, hands outstretched.  
  
She started to back away toward the tree Chibi Chi was in but stopped as something dropped on her head.  
  
"Daaa! Na No DAAAA!" Said the oh-so-cute chibi monk.  
  
"C'mon Chibi Chi, let's haul ass!" Ember yelled as she ran as fast as her long, silky, virgin legs could carry her away from the Roshi and into a forest.  
  
Ember ran and ran and....ran till she had to jump over a waterfall.  
  
"7.8!"  
  
"8.5!"  
  
"7.7!"  
  
The last two judges careful decided what score Ember's dive deserved.  
  
"6.9! That's what I'd like to do with her."  
  
"9.9! Did you see the thing she did? And her boobs were just...ah."  
  
Under the water, Ember fought the rough current with Chibi Chi clinging tightly to her head. She soon felt a tug on the back of her shirt as she lost consciousness.  
  
"Whoa! Looks like a big one, eh Shadow?" A girl with a fishing pole stood and yanked hard on the pole to find out what her catch could be. She soon had the catch on dry land. "Hey! It's just a virgin! And a Har'em'mon!" She and her hedgehog Har'em'mon Shadow, began to poke at the pair.  
  
"Pokey. Stoppy. Me no likey pokey." mumbled Ember as she rolled over in her semi unconscious state.  
  
"Daaa..." Said Chibi Chi.  
  
For some reason, unbeknownst to Ember, the readers and the authors, Ember awoke and jumped to her feet. She took Chibi Chi from his perch on her head. He didn't look that good.  
  
"Where's the nearest town?" Ember asked the other girl.  
  
"Umm...the nearest town is over that way, it's Pussy City. You should take your har'em'mon to the Har'em'mon Center there."  
  
"Thanks!" Ember said as she sprinted away. She stopped and looked at a hover bike parked by a rock. "Is this your hover bike?"  
  
"Well...yeah, but...HEY! THAT'S MY BIKE!" The girl shouted but Ember was already speeding away.  
  
As the girl watched Ember make off with her bike, a swarm of Roshi ran past.  
  
The city of Pussy was soon in Ember's sight when she hit a rock and crashed the hover bike. Ember hit the ground with a soft grunt and Chibi Chi had been in a basket in the front which broke and was now in a muddy puddle.  
  
Ember pulled herself up and ran to Chibi Chi. She made sure he was still breathing then set his haremball beside him.  
  
"Chibi Chi, get in the ball. That's the best way to keep you safe."  
  
"Da..?" was his soft reply.  
  
The Roshi had soon caught up with the pair and were now about 2 and a half feet from thier virgin prize. Ember stood up.  
  
"Damn you horny bastards! If you want me, come get me but I will defeat you all with my bare hands!" She shouted rather dramatically.  
  
Chibi Chi raised his head to see what she was doing. He saw the Roshi come at her and was filled with anger. He jumped up, grabbed his staff and cast a barrier spell around her. Once she was safe, he began to kick the asses of all the Roshi with his staff alone.  
  
When he was finished, he slumped to the ground and passed out. Ember picked him up and ran to the gates of Pussy City. 


End file.
